Parenting Resources

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

As a kid I suffered several bad sunburns, complete with blisters and weeks spent peeling skin off my shoulders. Ouch, ugh and ick. Now that I have a child of my own, I'm extra careful to make sure that she is protected from the sun so that she won't have to experience sunburn the way I did. With the heat of summer now upon us, here's a few tips to help you and your young ones stay safe in the sun.

If possible, stay in the shade between 10am and 2pm. It's not always realistic to keep kids out of the sun during the middle of the day, but if you can it really does help minimize their risk of sunburn. This is the best way to protect infants, especially babies under the age of six months, who are too young for sunscreens.

Protect your skin while you are in the sun. Always remember your SPF 15+ sunscreen, hat and sunglasses. If you can't find any shade, a loose long sleeved top can give extra protection to your shoulders and arms.

SPF clothing is a great option for active kids who like to play in the water. Unlike sunscreen, the SPF protection in special swimsuits won't wash off, and lasts for as long as your child wants to play in the sun.

Sun protection doesn't have to be difficult, but it does take a little bit of advance planning to schedule your outings around sun-safe hours and remember to bring your sun protection gear with you. The rewards of sun safety are many, however, and avoiding sunburn and an increased risk of skin cancer are certainly worth it. Have fun in the sun and stay safe!

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

Quick! A friend is having a baby shower and you need a cool, thoughtful gift that doesn't have teddy bear print anywhere in the vincinity. If you need some help sourcing hip, trendy, eco-friendly and high quality products for babies and chidren, check out the blog Cool Mom Picks.

I especially liked their review of these huge dandelion decals to stick onto your child's bedroom wall (made by Badass Custom Decals), and the designer birth announcements from Inventing Matilda. Plus, their site is searchable, so if you know what you want you can find the coolest picks with just a quick clack-clack-clack of your keyboard. It's just the thing for busy working moms and anyone else who needs a little help in the shopping and organizing departments.

Trendy baby and kids' stuff won't make you a great parent, but it might just smooth out the preparations for a birthday party or two and free you up to do more important things, like blowing dandelion seeds into the wind with your toddler.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

Even though we live a fair distance from our extended families, I like to take up the opportunity to spend time with them whenever possible. Extended family has lots to offer kids as they're growing up - a chance to bond with adults other than their parents and adult relatives give kids different role models to evaluate and imitate.

As a parent, aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins also offer a chance for you to take a glimpse at the genetic makeup that your own children have inherited. Seeing your biological child and their grandparent side by side can sometimes show you uncanny similarities in mannerisms and attitude!

If you've got extended family living nearby, it's easy to take them for granted, especially as families go through the usual ups and downs of relationships. Keeping those connections strong benefits your kids and can give you unique insights into your child's personality and traits, which can help you parent them with more compassion and understanding.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

Even though I don't head out the door to work each morning, I still worry about what it will be like when I do decide to get back on the 'on-ramp' and re-enter the workforce in a serious way. I know lots of other women who work full time and raise their kids, keep their houses clean and even remember to send out birthday cards. Whether you work 5 hours a week or 50, sharing your expertise, trials and triumphs with other women who are juggling work and family helps to support working parents as a whole.

I came across an ad for Mommy Track'd in one of the Brain, Child magazines I reviewed, and wanted to share the link here. Mommy Track'd is a website that has essays about being a working mom, news, shopping resources, tips on how to maximize your time and fly through your to-do list efficiently, and a forum with a community of other working moms to commiserate with.

Women today are contributing more to the workforce and striving for equality both at home and on the job, but all this doesn't come easily. Hearing about other women's experiences can reassure you when your own experience is challenging, and if you can shave 15 minutes off your weekly cleaning time by scrubbing the bathroom while the kids are in the tub, then your life just got a little easier thanks to the shared expertise of many other women working together and uploading their tips to Mommy Track'd.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

Recently, I received a reader's email asking how to improve a relationship with a partner's step-child. Her step-child is behaving in a disrespectful way towards her, and she wants to know how to improve their relationship and help teach this child how to be more respectful. So, I searched for the experts on step and blended families and found The Step and Blended Family Institute. Founders Rick and Yvonne Kelly have 11 years of experience in their own step-family experience, as well as certification as Stepfamily Counselors. Their Institute offer seminars, courses and counseling services.

According to Rick and Yvonne, both children and adults come into relationships looking for respect from the other person, but adults and children understand respect differently. On top of that, children often feel powerless about the decisions that have been made by the adults in their lives and may have suffered losses such as death, divorce or separation before the introduction of a new family member or step-family. Because of this, kids initially have their guard up and may act in a disrespectful way towards their step-parent or step-siblings.

Even if you can understand why a child is acting disrespectfully, many step-parents still want to change their step-child's behavior to be more respectful. The Step and Blended Family Institute recommends that you take your time when trying to change your step-child's behavior, and that you start by acting with the utmost respect towards them. As in the golden rule, do unto them as you would have them do unto you. By teaching by example and making the opportunity to spend quality time together enjoying a mutual hobby or activity, you can build up a healthy relationship over time.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

In your house, who cleans the toilet? Who repairs the car, remembers to buy birthday presents, cleans the cat box? Who cooks meals for the kids and makes sure they get dressed in the morning?

If your house is like most North American houses, chances are good that most of those tasks are done by the resident mom. The statistics show that the proportion of housework done by men and women in a household have pretty much stayed the same from the time when most tasks were done by hand to today's world of modern conveniences: women do twice as much housework and child care as men, on average.

Despite a long track record of gender-based roles, today we have the freedom to choose the balance of labor that works best for our families. This week I came across an interesting article in the New York Times about shared parenting. Families are coming to businesses like the ThirdPath Institute for help creating an equal and balanced family life, with child care, housework and income earning all shared equally between both partners.

This article really got me thinking about where our gender role assumptions come from, and how they are reinforced in our social circles and workplaces. At the end of the day, we've all got to choose the arrangement that works best for our own families, whether perfectly equal or not. However, examining those choices gives us a better idea of where those choices have come from and why they work for us.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

You'd never know it by looking around your playgroup or drop in, but everyone has those days when you do or say things that make you feel like a bad mom or dad. In public we all bring out our best parenting skills and try to look like we know what we're doing. Parents, especially moms, are expected to be pillars of patience, saintly fountains of kindness and the firm hand of guidance all at the same time. The truth beneath those saintly pictures is that we're all making it up as we go along, and making do with the time, energy, money and parenting skills we've got right now.

Since I blogged about imperfect parenting last week I've been thinking about what it means to have shortcomings as a parent. To spank, even though you think you shouldn't. To be too strict, or not strict enough. To pressure, bribe or deceive your child in order to change their behavior. Or just being too busy, distracted, spaced out, depressed or focused on your own needs and wants to be engaged with your child.

Your imperfections as a parent are as unique and different as everything else about your personality. Everyone's got shortcomings, and everyone has 'bad mom' days. Instead of striving for perfection, try to recognize and learn from your moments of imperfection. Nobody's perfect, so don't beat yourself up on your bad days. Ask yourself how you'd like to be different the next time, recognize that and keep on truckin'.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

As parents we want to give our children the best, to be perfect teachers and role models for them. But as humans, we fall short. Imperfection is unavoidable, but what kind of impact does it have on our parenting? Can we embrace our imperfections as parents and still teach and model healthy living for our kids?

Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW, has spent the past eight years at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work studying several of the emotional components of the relationships we form as parents and children, such as shame, empathy, compassion and vulnerability. Brené is sharing her insights from these years of study in a series of discussions online, which can be found on her blog, Ordinary Courage.

I'm going to be following along and participating in the discussion, as well as listening to the recording of Brené's lecture in which she publicly presented her research for the first time. I'm curious, and I hope to be challenged and stretched in my thinking about parenting as well.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

Every parent has a small arsenal of tricks up his or her sleeve when eating out at a restaurant. Wet wipes in the handbag, a snack while you're waiting for your meals or a favorite toy car to drive around the table can all help make a meal out successful, or at least allow you enough time to shovel your food in before you need to make a hasty escape. One of the best ways to ensure a pleasant family meal in a restaurant is to choose a kid-friendly place to eat in the first place. I know some of you are probably thinking, "Oh no, not a family restaurant." Kid-friendly dining doesn't have to mean Chuck E. Cheese's.

One of the best kid-friendly restaurants I've eaten at lately is Rebar Modern Food in Victoria, BC. The atmosphere is fun, funky and eclectic with brightly coloured oilcloths over the tables and an Elvis painting made of holographic rainbow mosaics. A shelf over the bar doubles as a decorative space and a home for kids toys such as foam hippos, squeaky fish and jointed dinosaurs, which will be brought out to your table at your request. The food is fresh, healthy, local and delicious, and the kids menu is an absolute godsend for parents. A child sized plain buttered pasta with parmesan arrived at our table in the blink of an eye, with not-too-spicy tomato sauce and plain steamed carrots and broccoli served in small bowls on the side. It was perfect.

So, if you happen to find yourself in Victoria this summer, check out Rebar. I hope you like it as much as I did. :)

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

Walking anywhere with a toddler can be a serious expedition, and is often a journey that can take two, three or even four times longer than it would have taken me to walk at my regular pace. Sometimes this is a source of frustration and frayed nerves, especially if I'm late for an appointment, but it doesn't have to be a negative experience. Recently I've found that making an extra effort to be patient and schedule time for the "toddler pace" can be wonderful gift that shows me things I wouldn't have otherwise enjoyed.

Children love to stop and smell the flowers, run up and down wheelchair ramps, climb stairs for the fun of it and spin around in circles until they fall down laughing hysterically. These things are fun, but as adults we are so focused on getting from Point A to Point B in enough time so that we can get to Point C before they close that we miss out on a lot of the magic in everyday life.

A real appreciation for that magic, and the ability to step into the open, playfully enthusiastic perspective of children is a great resource for parents to pull out on those days when patience is short and tempers flare.

Appreciating that your children want to stop and play at the park all day doesn't mean that you have to set aside your needs and schedule entirely so they can run around with flowers in their hair. Parents do have valid needs and often a tight schedule is unavoidable, but if your child wants to hold buttercups under your nose and you've got five or ten minutes to spare, why not stop and smell the flowers?