Michelle Carchrae's Blog

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

I recently came across a parenting resource website called Enjoy Parenting. It's aimed at parents who embrace the ideas found in holistic, nonviolent and attachment parenting philosophies, and aren't afraid to parent with the idea that we are all capable of infinite love, joy and self-worth. Their daily email subscription service, the Daily Groove, offers a bite-sized snippet of parenting ideas related to finding your groove together as parent and child.

While some of the ideas might come across as being very new age or touchy-feely, lots of them really are grounded in truth. Most encourage you to question any parenting technique that doesn't respect the child as an independent human being. That sounds like a no-brainer, but when it comes to enforcing bedtime or safety-related discipline it can be a humbling experience to really evaluate how you're interacting with your child.

If you really click with the Daily Groove and the Enjoy Parenting website, author Scott Noelle also offers a paid subscription part of the website, with a forum where you can discuss parenting with other subscribers and get tips and feedback directly from Scott.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

Even though I don't head out the door to work each morning, I still worry about what it will be like when I do decide to get back on the 'on-ramp' and re-enter the workforce in a serious way. I know lots of other women who work full time and raise their kids, keep their houses clean and even remember to send out birthday cards. Whether you work 5 hours a week or 50, sharing your expertise, trials and triumphs with other women who are juggling work and family helps to support working parents as a whole.

Mommy Track'd is a website that has essays about being a working mom, news, shopping resources, tips on how to maximize your time and fly through your to-do list efficiently, and a forum with a community of other working moms to commiserate with. Women today are contributing more to the workforce and striving for equality both at home and on the job, but all this doesn't come easily. Hearing about other women's experiences can reassure you when your own experience is challenging, and if you can shave 15 minutes off your weekly cleaning time by scrubbing the bathroom while the kids are in the tub, then your life just got a little easier thanks to the shared expertise of many other women working together and uploading their tips to Mommy Track'd.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

As a kid I suffered several bad sunburns, complete with blisters and weeks spent peeling skin off my shoulders. Ouch, ugh and ick. Now that I have a child of my own, I'm extra careful to make sure that she is protected from the sun so that she won't have to experience sunburn the way I did. With the heat of summer now upon us, here's a few tips to help you and your young ones stay safe in the sun.

If possible, stay in the shade between 10am and 2pm. It's not always realistic to keep kids out of the sun during the middle of the day, but if you can it really does help minimize their risk of sunburn. This is the best way to protect infants, especially babies under the age of six months, who are too young for sunscreens.

Protect your skin while you are in the sun. Always remember your SPF 15+ sunscreen, hat and sunglasses. If you can't find any shade, a loose long sleeved top can give extra protection to your shoulders and arms.

SPF clothing is a great option for active kids who like to play in the water. Unlike sunscreen, the SPF protection in special swimsuits won't wash off, and lasts for as long as your child wants to play in the sun.

Sun protection doesn't have to be difficult, but it does take a little bit of advance planning to schedule your outings around sun-safe hours and remember to bring your sun protection gear with you. The rewards of sun safety are many, however, and avoiding sunburn and an increased risk of skin cancer are certainly worth it. Have fun in the sun and stay safe!

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

Quick! A friend is having a baby shower and you need a cool, thoughtful gift that doesn't have teddy bear print anywhere in the vincinity. If you need some help sourcing hip, trendy, eco-friendly and high quality products for babies and chidren, check out the blog Cool Mom Picks.

I especially liked their review of these huge dandelion decals to stick onto your child's bedroom wall (made by Badass Custom Decals), and the designer birth announcements from Inventing Matilda. Plus, their site is searchable, so if you know what you want you can find the coolest picks with just a quick clack-clack-clack of your keyboard. It's just the thing for busy working moms and anyone else who needs a little help in the shopping and organizing departments.

Trendy baby and kids' stuff won't make you a great parent, but it might just smooth out the preparations for a birthday party or two and free you up to do more important things, like blowing dandelion seeds into the wind with your toddler.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

Even though we live a fair distance from our extended families, I like to take up the opportunity to spend time with them whenever possible. Extended family has lots to offer kids as they're growing up - a chance to bond with adults other than their parents and adult relatives give kids different role models to evaluate and imitate.

As a parent, aunts, uncles, grandparents and cousins also offer a chance for you to take a glimpse at the genetic makeup that your own children have inherited. Seeing your biological child and their grandparent side by side can sometimes show you uncanny similarities in mannerisms and attitude!

If you've got extended family living nearby, it's easy to take them for granted, especially as families go through the usual ups and downs of relationships. Keeping those connections strong benefits your kids and can give you unique insights into your child's personality and traits, which can help you parent them with more compassion and understanding.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

Even though I don't head out the door to work each morning, I still worry about what it will be like when I do decide to get back on the 'on-ramp' and re-enter the workforce in a serious way. I know lots of other women who work full time and raise their kids, keep their houses clean and even remember to send out birthday cards. Whether you work 5 hours a week or 50, sharing your expertise, trials and triumphs with other women who are juggling work and family helps to support working parents as a whole.

I came across an ad for Mommy Track'd in one of the Brain, Child magazines I reviewed, and wanted to share the link here. Mommy Track'd is a website that has essays about being a working mom, news, shopping resources, tips on how to maximize your time and fly through your to-do list efficiently, and a forum with a community of other working moms to commiserate with.

Women today are contributing more to the workforce and striving for equality both at home and on the job, but all this doesn't come easily. Hearing about other women's experiences can reassure you when your own experience is challenging, and if you can shave 15 minutes off your weekly cleaning time by scrubbing the bathroom while the kids are in the tub, then your life just got a little easier thanks to the shared expertise of many other women working together and uploading their tips to Mommy Track'd.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

Recently, I received a reader's email asking how to improve a relationship with a partner's step-child. Her step-child is behaving in a disrespectful way towards her, and she wants to know how to improve their relationship and help teach this child how to be more respectful. So, I searched for the experts on step and blended families and found The Step and Blended Family Institute. Founders Rick and Yvonne Kelly have 11 years of experience in their own step-family experience, as well as certification as Stepfamily Counselors. Their Institute offer seminars, courses and counseling services.

According to Rick and Yvonne, both children and adults come into relationships looking for respect from the other person, but adults and children understand respect differently. On top of that, children often feel powerless about the decisions that have been made by the adults in their lives and may have suffered losses such as death, divorce or separation before the introduction of a new family member or step-family. Because of this, kids initially have their guard up and may act in a disrespectful way towards their step-parent or step-siblings.

Even if you can understand why a child is acting disrespectfully, many step-parents still want to change their step-child's behavior to be more respectful. The Step and Blended Family Institute recommends that you take your time when trying to change your step-child's behavior, and that you start by acting with the utmost respect towards them. As in the golden rule, do unto them as you would have them do unto you. By teaching by example and making the opportunity to spend quality time together enjoying a mutual hobby or activity, you can build up a healthy relationship over time.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

In your house, who cleans the toilet? Who repairs the car, remembers to buy birthday presents, cleans the cat box? Who cooks meals for the kids and makes sure they get dressed in the morning?

If your house is like most North American houses, chances are good that most of those tasks are done by the resident mom. The statistics show that the proportion of housework done by men and women in a household have pretty much stayed the same from the time when most tasks were done by hand to today's world of modern conveniences: women do twice as much housework and child care as men, on average.

Despite a long track record of gender-based roles, today we have the freedom to choose the balance of labor that works best for our families. This week I came across an interesting article in the New York Times about shared parenting. Families are coming to businesses like the ThirdPath Institute for help creating an equal and balanced family life, with child care, housework and income earning all shared equally between both partners.

This article really got me thinking about where our gender role assumptions come from, and how they are reinforced in our social circles and workplaces. At the end of the day, we've all got to choose the arrangement that works best for our own families, whether perfectly equal or not. However, examining those choices gives us a better idea of where those choices have come from and why they work for us.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

You'd never know it by looking around your playgroup or drop in, but everyone has those days when you do or say things that make you feel like a bad mom or dad. In public we all bring out our best parenting skills and try to look like we know what we're doing. Parents, especially moms, are expected to be pillars of patience, saintly fountains of kindness and the firm hand of guidance all at the same time. The truth beneath those saintly pictures is that we're all making it up as we go along, and making do with the time, energy, money and parenting skills we've got right now.

Since I blogged about imperfect parenting last week I've been thinking about what it means to have shortcomings as a parent. To spank, even though you think you shouldn't. To be too strict, or not strict enough. To pressure, bribe or deceive your child in order to change their behavior. Or just being too busy, distracted, spaced out, depressed or focused on your own needs and wants to be engaged with your child.

Your imperfections as a parent are as unique and different as everything else about your personality. Everyone's got shortcomings, and everyone has 'bad mom' days. Instead of striving for perfection, try to recognize and learn from your moments of imperfection. Nobody's perfect, so don't beat yourself up on your bad days. Ask yourself how you'd like to be different the next time, recognize that and keep on truckin'.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

As parents we want to give our children the best, to be perfect teachers and role models for them. But as humans, we fall short. Imperfection is unavoidable, but what kind of impact does it have on our parenting? Can we embrace our imperfections as parents and still teach and model healthy living for our kids?

Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW, has spent the past eight years at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work studying several of the emotional components of the relationships we form as parents and children, such as shame, empathy, compassion and vulnerability. Brené is sharing her insights from these years of study in a series of discussions online, which can be found on her blog, Ordinary Courage.

I'm going to be following along and participating in the discussion, as well as listening to the recording of Brené's lecture in which she publicly presented her research for the first time. I'm curious, and I hope to be challenged and stretched in my thinking about parenting as well.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

Every parent has a small arsenal of tricks up his or her sleeve when eating out at a restaurant. Wet wipes in the handbag, a snack while you're waiting for your meals or a favorite toy car to drive around the table can all help make a meal out successful, or at least allow you enough time to shovel your food in before you need to make a hasty escape. One of the best ways to ensure a pleasant family meal in a restaurant is to choose a kid-friendly place to eat in the first place. I know some of you are probably thinking, "Oh no, not a family restaurant." Kid-friendly dining doesn't have to mean Chuck E. Cheese's.

One of the best kid-friendly restaurants I've eaten at lately is Rebar Modern Food in Victoria, BC. The atmosphere is fun, funky and eclectic with brightly coloured oilcloths over the tables and an Elvis painting made of holographic rainbow mosaics. A shelf over the bar doubles as a decorative space and a home for kids toys such as foam hippos, squeaky fish and jointed dinosaurs, which will be brought out to your table at your request. The food is fresh, healthy, local and delicious, and the kids menu is an absolute godsend for parents. A child sized plain buttered pasta with parmesan arrived at our table in the blink of an eye, with not-too-spicy tomato sauce and plain steamed carrots and broccoli served in small bowls on the side. It was perfect.

So, if you happen to find yourself in Victoria this summer, check out Rebar. I hope you like it as much as I did. :)

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

Walking anywhere with a toddler can be a serious expedition, and is often a journey that can take two, three or even four times longer than it would have taken me to walk at my regular pace. Sometimes this is a source of frustration and frayed nerves, especially if I'm late for an appointment, but it doesn't have to be a negative experience. Recently I've found that making an extra effort to be patient and schedule time for the "toddler pace" can be wonderful gift that shows me things I wouldn't have otherwise enjoyed.

Children love to stop and smell the flowers, run up and down wheelchair ramps, climb stairs for the fun of it and spin around in circles until they fall down laughing hysterically. These things are fun, but as adults we are so focused on getting from Point A to Point B in enough time so that we can get to Point C before they close that we miss out on a lot of the magic in everyday life.

A real appreciation for that magic, and the ability to step into the open, playfully enthusiastic perspective of children is a great resource for parents to pull out on those days when patience is short and tempers flare.

Appreciating that your children want to stop and play at the park all day doesn't mean that you have to set aside your needs and schedule entirely so they can run around with flowers in their hair. Parents do have valid needs and often a tight schedule is unavoidable, but if your child wants to hold buttercups under your nose and you've got five or ten minutes to spare, why not stop and smell the flowers?

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

This past weekend was a three-day spring holiday weekend in Canada, and I had two tickets to a fun-looking event that involved drinking, dancing and hanging out with several friends we hadn't seen in a long time. But we're parents now, and both of our families live too far away to babysit. Bringing our daughter with us was definitely not an option, so we needed to find a babysitter - fast.

Finding good childcare can be tough. Children are small but important little people, with sensitive and ever-changing natures. It's always a bit of a gamble trying out a new caregiver, especially if you're not going to be around to see them interact with your child. We called our old babysitter, who is now busy with other pursits. I sent out some feelers to check if other folks we knew were interested, but came back with nothing.

In the end our friends knew of a couple who lived nearby and weren't going out that night. So, with five hours before the event we managed to confirm that yes, we had a babysitter! We felt confident trusting this couple since we'd met them before and we knew we could rely on the recommendation of our friends.

Even though I was prepared to accept that we might not be able to go out together that night, our network of friends and community resources pulled through for us once again and the perfect last minute babysitter arrived at our doorstep. Phew! What luck. :)

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

One of my favorite local resources is our public library. Once a week or so my daughter and I head down to our local branch to hang out for the morning, reading books together in the kids' area and picking out a new batch to take home. The library is a great place to spend time with your kids if you want to foster a love of reading, but there are more than just books at most local libraries.

Libraries provide a meeting place for parents and kids, both through scheduled storytimes and informal encounters. Many libraries also have meeting rooms where various classes are held, covering topics such as parenting skills or internet safety for families, which can be valuable resources for parents. Libraries are also great central locations to find public noticeboards, free local newspapers and internet access, all of which can open doors to further information and resources.

So the next time you're stuck trying to find a babysitter, learn how to keep tabs on your teenager's internet use or entertain your toddler, check out your local library!

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

I've recently started reading Barbara Kingsolver's new book, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle [Harper Perennial, 2008. ISBN 0060852569), and it's really gotten me thinking about the responsibility parents and caregivers have to teach our children about how the world works. This means going beyond teaching social graces and brushing teeth to ensuring kids have a working knowledge of where our food comes from (it's not just the grocery store) and how we get clean water (besides turning on the tap).

I was raised a city kid myself, and I remember very clearly one summer vacation when we went out to visit friends and family who lived out on the prairies. We stayed with a family who lived on a potato and cattle farm, and one afternoon we drove out to the field in the pickup truck. Our farmer friend hopped out, let us pick out a plant, and then he turned it over with his shovel. I was astounded to see potatoes lying there in the ground, waiting for us to pick them out.

Food comes from the ground! What a concept!

For families who live in rural areas, grow their own vegetables and drink water from their own wells these ideas might seem as plain as the nose on your face. But for growing numbers of children who spend their entire childhoods in urban areas, it is important for parents and caregivers to make a special effort to ensure that kids have opportunities to get their hands dirty and learn firsthand where food comes from. Whether you join a community garden, head out of the city to visit a working farm or befriend a neighbour with a veggie patch, the experience will help to develop your children's environmental awareness.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

Have you ever had one of those days when your baby or toddler just won't be put down? The arrival of new teeth, a fever or separation anxiety can increase your child's need for closeness and comfort, but it's not always possible to cuddle away the day on the couch. When you've got things you need to get done and a kiddo that needs a cuddle, a baby carrier is a great solution for both of you.

This past weekend my daughter was sick, and I really appreciated having our Ergo on hand. Despite the fact that she is a whopping 27 pounds, I could pop her on my back and carry her for an hour while I cooked dinner or went shopping for food. She's happy being able to cuddle away to her heart's content, and I was satisfied with getting some things done even though she was so sick.

I know our babywearing days are coming to an end as she wants to walk almost everywhere when she's feeling her normal self, and she's really getting too heavy to carry for long periods of time, but when we really need it babywearing still saves the day for us. For smaller babies and their parents, babywearing can be a real lifesaver, especially for colicky or high-needs babies who want to be carried for what feels like months on end. I have even heard of moms who were able to go back to work and bring their babies with them in a sling, although I've never known any in real life. What have your experiences with babywearing been like?

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

While browsing a chain bookstore with my daughter the other day, I picked up a copy of The Feminine Mistake [Voice, March 28, 2007, ISBN 1401303064] and started flipping through it. Author Leslie Bennetts claims that by choosing to stay at home with her family instead of continuing to work after having children, many women are putting their financial stability, relationships with their husbands and even the sharpness of their minds and wittiness of their conversational skills at risk unnecessarily.

I put the book down and went back to helping my daughter fit wooden blocks into a puzzle. I fell into a tailspin, spiraling down and down into a hole of self-criticism and despair. Bennetts is right in some ways; being a stay-at-home mom does make you dependent financially on your husband or partner. But should I really feel apologetic for the choices I have made?

The choice between career and kids is one that must be made by each woman by herself, and for her own reasons. Later on that night I realised that if I were the type of person who highly valued money, power and prestige, the choice to stay at home might have been the wrong one for me to make. However, I am not that person. For some women the choice I have made may have been a big mistake, but I'm not afraid to stand up and say it: I'm a stay at home mom and proud of it.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

This week I came across a link to New York Magazine's Best Parenting Resource award - it went to Realbirth, an education center in New York for parents who are about to go through the experiences of labour, childbirth and the postpartum period. Childbirth is an intimidating experience, whether you've gone through it before or not, but one thing that can really empower a mother and her support person is accurate information about the natural physiological process of birth and how medications and other medical interventions influcence that process.

Having experienced a natural childbirth myself, with a fairly hands-off-yet-attentive midwife in the security of my own bedroom, I personally think a natural birth oriented education center is right on. I wasn't sure that homebirth was the right thing for me until I started doing a lot of research on childbirth and the factors that make natural birth easier and less painful, but homebirth was definitely the right choice for me. When it comes to labour, delivery and breastfeeding, knowledge is most certainly power, and power is what a labouring woman needs. So, congratulations to Realbirth, and for everyone who lives outside of New York, here are some tips on preparing for a natural childbirth.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

It's Friday. It's raining. If I stay inside we'll all go crazy.... Hey, let's go to Science World! Here in Vancouver, on a rainy morning there is nothing better to do with your kids than head out to see one of the many fantastic local attractions, such as the Vancouver Aquarium, Science World or Grouse Mountain.

However, if I paid a single admission every time we wanted to go one of these places, we'd quickly build up a sizeable family entertainment bill. Many urban attractions have high single-admission rates to make money from tourism, but lower membership rates that allow locals to go as often as they want for the price of two or three single admissions. So, the next time you decide to take the kiddos to your local zoo, amusement park or science center, check out the savings on the family membership rate. If the attraction is something you could see yourself doing a few times, you'll usually save money by buying a membership.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

Navigating any major change as a family takes a lot of planning, discussion and courage, but navigating the transition from male to female is one of the most fundamental changes there are. I came across Megan Wallent's blog this week, and was very touched by her story of transitioning from male to female, and how she openly and honestly worked through that change with her partner and three children.

Megan, a manager at Microsoft, writes about many aspects of her gender transition, including a detailed account of how she told her children about the change and how they reacted over time. Her approach is very straightforward and respectful of her children's need to process the news and to have some control over situations such as Megan's first public appearance presenting as female.

Whether you're a transgender parent or not, Megan's story is inspiring and well worth a read.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

Last week at my book club meeting, we got to talking about the things we remembered most about our childhoods, the special deserts our grandmas made or the little traditions out family had at Christmas or Easter time. One woman remembered being carried around her father's workshop when she was very small, watching as he pointed out every tool and explained what it did. Now he does the same thing with her infant son, and the continuation of that tradition is a very special thing for her.

Holidays are great opportunities to choose the best, most memorable traditions from our own childhood to pass along to our own children. It's also fun to pick new traditions and rituals that are meaningful to you and make those part of your holiday celebrations. Whether that means you will be hiding chocolate easter eggs, attending church or celebrating the pagan holiday of Ostara with some new clothes, choose holiday celebrations that are fun and meaningful, and that you hope your child will look back on with fond memories.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

Picture your typical family evening, just for a second. What does it look like? Kids on the couch in front of the TV, Mom surfing on the laptop and Dad writing emails on his Blackberry? Maybe you're all sitting on the couch watching a DVD together, or everyone is in their own rooms, surfing or watching TV by themselves?

If you're trying to increase the quality of your family time together, try unplugging from digital devices for one night a week. This trend towards unplugging has been noted in the media recently, as tech geeks such as Ariel Meadow Stallings unplug for one night a week and record their responses, which range from extreme anxiety to falling asleep on the couch at 7pm. Hailed as the "Secular Sabbath", spending one day or night a week completely unplugged can give families a chance to reconnect with each other, to eat a meal around the table together instead of balancing plates on laps in front of the TV, and to get a bit of perspective on life away from the contstant distractions and demands of the digital age.

At my house we don't actually have a TV (gasp! could it be true?) but we do have the ever-present laptop and internet connection. I find that for me personally, disconnecting from the internet is far more difficult than turning off the TV ever was. When I do turn the laptop off I find I do more housework, spend more one-on-one time with my daughter and have more patience in general.

So, are you curious? What would happen if you unplugged and spent a night as a family without the distraction of digital screens and media players? Share your experiences with us in the discussions!

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

Sometimes what you need to be a good parent is not more time with your child, but time away to recharge your batteries as an adult. For single parents who carry the workload of parenting by themselves, time for adult fun is especially important, but hard to come by.

My single parent friends say that there is always the tiresome question of trying to determine when the best time to drop the "mommy bomb" is - when you've just met someone, or after you've gotten to know each other a little. If you want to avoid that problem altogether, the people at singleparentlovelife.com have set up a website devoted to single parents looking for romantic relationships. If you're a single parent, or a single without kids who is open to a relationship with someone who does, you're welcome to meet people here.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

It never fails. Get on an airplane, in a crowded store or a quiet library and suddenly your parenting skills are on display the minute your child begins to make noise. Everyone else considers themselves parenting experts, whether they had children twenty years ago, two months ago, or no children at all. What should you do when faced with a public barrage of instruction, helpful suggestions and perhaps the odd disapproving stare?

In public parenting situations like these, remember that you know your child better than any stranger. You have watched your child grow and develop from the moment of their birth, and you know the quirks and oddities of their personality. You will know better than anyone else what your child needs, and if what they need is something you simply cannot provide at that moment, such as a quiet cuddle in a dark room, do your best to give them the closest thing to what they need with the resources you've got at the time. Maybe that means going to the washroom for a quiet moment, or finding an open space where they can stretch their legs with minimal disruption to others.

And what to do about the dad in the waiting room who is convinced your older child needs harsher discipline? Listen to the suggestion, evaluate its worth for yourself, and if you don't agree it is best for your child, politely say, "Thanks for your suggestion. We're just going to _____ right now and we'll see how that goes." Responding to unsolicited parenting advice in a confident, assured way reminds yourself of your own parenting expertise, and can help you to cope with the situation in the way you know is best for your child.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

Nobody parents in a vaccuum, no matter how much it may feel like it on those endless late-winter days. Our social networks of friends, family, daycare providers and neighbours provide a great deal of support and guidance when it comes to raising children. Making an effort to strengthen our relationships between friends and family members increases bonds between your child and other adults, and also makes the job of parenting easier.

In these modern days, many families live thousands of miles away from each other, only gathering together for major holidays like Christmas and making do with phone calls or webcam sessions in the meantime. Recently, my little one and I made the journey to Grandma and Grandpa's house for an extended visit. Not only do I get the benefit of two extra pairs of hands to help keep her entertained, read stories and play dolls, but this time spent getting to know each other in a relaxed, non-holiday atmosphere is invaluable.

I'd love to be able to have regular family gatherings on Sundays, like some grandparents do. I met a grandfather while traveling who had 11 grandchildren and 3 great-grandchildren, and himself and his wife host 26 people for family dinner on Sunday each week. Those are some strong family bonds, and a great source of playing together, learning from each other and free babysitting to be had! For the rest of us who might live a long way from our families, have lost one or both parents, or have become estranged from their families, we've got to make do with the bonds and support we've got.

Take a moment this week and look for all the people in your life who offer you support and make your parenting possible. As they say, it takes a village to raise a child.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

As a parent, sometimes it's easy to forget those resources that are right under your nose. Today I went to a drop-in group at my local community health center. I used to go every week, but then, well, life got in the way and I stopped going. Today I was reminded of all the great resources available to parents at your local health center. It's like a one-stop-shop - there is scientific and medical information available if you need it, the public health nurse has a wealth of real-life experience to share, and the other parents in your community are there for friendships and other support.

As we sat in a circle and discussed potty training, I saw parents with one child or many, parents of spirited toddlers and easygoing babies, single parents, parents there with their partner, and between all of us we'd seen pretty much every variation on the theme of toilet training small children. "I'm not in this alone!" I thought to myself, and I shared my experience with early potty training for babies with the rest of the group. It turns out that two other moms in the group had started toilet training when their babies were young, with similar experiences as myself.

If you'd like to find a local drop in with a public health nurse but you're not sure if there is one in your area, check with your family doctor at your child's next checkup.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

Last summer, the civic workers in my city went on strike for a long, long time. The garbage wasn't picked up, construction permits weren't issued, and worst of all for me, the library and community center were closed. I never realized just how much we went to the library until we couldn't go anymore.

The resources we use as parents are just like that - invisible while they are working perfectly, but when they are gone we realize just how much we rely on them. Most working parents have experienced those days when their daycare provider is sick, and suddenly they have to take the day off work to stay home and care for their child. Or you've loaned out your favorite childcare book and when you go to look up your child's new and worrisome illness your book isn't there on your shelf.

Have you ever found yourself without a resource that makes your life as a parent run smoothly? Share your experience in the poll or discussions and tell us about your most important resource as a parent.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

I first became enamored with parenting books when I was pregnant. I read all kind of books on pregnancy and parenting, and I loved learning exactly how big a fetus was in the 18th week, or when the baby could hear the world outside the uterus. By reading everything I could get my hands on I felt like I could bring this unpredictable business of having a baby down into a more manageable, logical size.

Then my daughter was born.

Sometime in the first week of her life, amidst a blur of feeding every two hours around the clock and changing what seemed like hundreds of diapers, the midwife came by to see how we were doing. I happened to mention to her that I'd read in one of my books that babies have one bowel movement in their first day of life, two the second, and then things really kicked into gear. I'd been changing what seemed like 20 a day! Could that be right? My midwife laughed and smiled, and reassured me that my daughter was perfectly normal.

Even though I was somewhat disappointed that I missed out on that fabled one bowel movement a day that I felt I'd been promised, I was glad I had done as much reading as I had. I knew what to expect with most things, and I had now learned that not every baby will follow the guidelines in the books.

Here at Parenting Resources I hope you will find the information you need to help you find the tools, books, experts and other resources you will need in your parenting journey, whether your parenting experience goes by the book or not.