Parenting Resources

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

I've recently started reading Barbara Kingsolver's new book, Animal, Vegetable, Miracle [Harper Perennial, 2008. ISBN 0060852569), and it's really gotten me thinking about the responsibility parents and caregivers have to teach our children about how the world works. This means going beyond teaching social graces and brushing teeth to ensuring kids have a working knowledge of where our food comes from (it's not just the grocery store) and how we get clean water (besides turning on the tap).

I was raised a city kid myself, and I remember very clearly one summer vacation when we went out to visit friends and family who lived out on the prairies. We stayed with a family who lived on a potato and cattle farm, and one afternoon we drove out to the field in the pickup truck. Our farmer friend hopped out, let us pick out a plant, and then he turned it over with his shovel. I was astounded to see potatoes lying there in the ground, waiting for us to pick them out.

Food comes from the ground! What a concept!

For families who live in rural areas, grow their own vegetables and drink water from their own wells these ideas might seem as plain as the nose on your face. But for growing numbers of children who spend their entire childhoods in urban areas, it is important for parents and caregivers to make a special effort to ensure that kids have opportunities to get their hands dirty and learn firsthand where food comes from. Whether you join a community garden, head out of the city to visit a working farm or befriend a neighbour with a veggie patch, the experience will help to develop your children's environmental awareness.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

Have you ever had one of those days when your baby or toddler just won't be put down? The arrival of new teeth, a fever or separation anxiety can increase your child's need for closeness and comfort, but it's not always possible to cuddle away the day on the couch. When you've got things you need to get done and a kiddo that needs a cuddle, a baby carrier is a great solution for both of you.

This past weekend my daughter was sick, and I really appreciated having our Ergo on hand. Despite the fact that she is a whopping 27 pounds, I could pop her on my back and carry her for an hour while I cooked dinner or went shopping for food. She's happy being able to cuddle away to her heart's content, and I was satisfied with getting some things done even though she was so sick.

I know our babywearing days are coming to an end as she wants to walk almost everywhere when she's feeling her normal self, and she's really getting too heavy to carry for long periods of time, but when we really need it babywearing still saves the day for us. For smaller babies and their parents, babywearing can be a real lifesaver, especially for colicky or high-needs babies who want to be carried for what feels like months on end. I have even heard of moms who were able to go back to work and bring their babies with them in a sling, although I've never known any in real life. What have your experiences with babywearing been like?

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

While browsing a chain bookstore with my daughter the other day, I picked up a copy of The Feminine Mistake [Voice, March 28, 2007, ISBN 1401303064] and started flipping through it. Author Leslie Bennetts claims that by choosing to stay at home with her family instead of continuing to work after having children, many women are putting their financial stability, relationships with their husbands and even the sharpness of their minds and wittiness of their conversational skills at risk unnecessarily.



I put the book down and went back to helping my daughter fit wooden blocks into a puzzle. I fell into a tailspin, spiraling down and down into a hole of self-criticism and despair. Bennetts is right in some ways; being a stay-at-home mom does make you dependent financially on your husband or partner. But should I really feel apologetic for the choices I have made?



The choice between career and kids is one that must be made by each woman by herself, and for her own reasons. Later on that night I realised that if I were the type of person who highly valued money, power and prestige, the choice to stay at home might have been the wrong one for me to make. However, I am not that person. For some women the choice I have made may have been a big mistake, but I'm not afraid to stand up and say it: I'm a stay at home mom and proud of it.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

This week I came across a link to New York Magazine's Best Parenting Resource award - it went to Realbirth, an education center in New York for parents who are about to go through the experiences of labour, childbirth and the postpartum period. Childbirth is an intimidating experience, whether you've gone through it before or not, but one thing that can really empower a mother and her support person is accurate information about the natural physiological process of birth and how medications and other medical interventions influcence that process.

Having experienced a natural childbirth myself, with a fairly hands-off-yet-attentive midwife in the security of my own bedroom, I personally think a natural birth oriented education center is right on. I wasn't sure that homebirth was the right thing for me until I started doing a lot of research on childbirth and the factors that make natural birth easier and less painful, but homebirth was definitely the right choice for me. When it comes to labour, delivery and breastfeeding, knowledge is most certainly power, and power is what a labouring woman needs. So, congratulations to Realbirth, and for everyone who lives outside of New York, here are some tips on preparing for a natural childbirth.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

It's Friday. It's raining. If I stay inside we'll all go crazy.... Hey, let's go to Science World! Here in Vancouver, on a rainy morning there is nothing better to do with your kids than head out to see one of the many fantastic local attractions, such as the Vancouver Aquarium, Science World or Grouse Mountain.

However, if I paid a single admission every time we wanted to go one of these places, we'd quickly build up a sizeable family entertainment bill. Many urban attractions have high single-admission rates to make money from tourism, but lower membership rates that allow locals to go as often as they want for the price of two or three single admissions. So, the next time you decide to take the kiddos to your local zoo, amusement park or science center, check out the savings on the family membership rate. If the attraction is something you could see yourself doing a few times, you'll usually save money by buying a membership.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

Navigating any major change as a family takes a lot of planning, discussion and courage, but navigating the transition from male to female is one of the most fundamental changes there are. I came across Megan Wallent's blog this week, and was very touched by her story of transitioning from male to female, and how she openly and honestly worked through that change with her partner and three children.

Megan, a manager at Microsoft, writes about many aspects of her gender transition, including a detailed account of how she told her children about the change and how they reacted over time. Her approach is very straightforward and respectful of her children's need to process the news and to have some control over situations such as Megan's first public appearance presenting as female.

Whether you're a transgender parent or not, Megan's story is inspiring and well worth a read.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

Last week at my book club meeting, we got to talking about the things we remembered most about our childhoods, the special deserts our grandmas made or the little traditions out family had at Christmas or Easter time. One woman remembered being carried around her father's workshop when she was very small, watching as he pointed out every tool and explained what it did. Now he does the same thing with her infant son, and the continuation of that tradition is a very special thing for her.

Holidays are great opportunities to choose the best, most memorable traditions from our own childhood to pass along to our own children. It's also fun to pick new traditions and rituals that are meaningful to you and make those part of your holiday celebrations. Whether that means you will be hiding chocolate easter eggs, attending church or celebrating the pagan holiday of Ostara with some new clothes, choose holiday celebrations that are fun and meaningful, and that you hope your child will look back on with fond memories.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

Picture your typical family evening, just for a second. What does it look like? Kids on the couch in front of the TV, Mom surfing on the laptop and Dad writing emails on his Blackberry? Maybe you're all sitting on the couch watching a DVD together, or everyone is in their own rooms, surfing or watching TV by themselves?

If you're trying to increase the quality of your family time together, try unplugging from digital devices for one night a week. This trend towards unplugging has been noted in the media recently, as tech geeks such as Ariel Meadow Stallings unplug for one night a week and record their responses, which range from extreme anxiety to falling asleep on the couch at 7pm. Hailed as the "Secular Sabbath", spending one day or night a week completely unplugged can give families a chance to reconnect with each other, to eat a meal around the table together instead of balancing plates on laps in front of the TV, and to get a bit of perspective on life away from the contstant distractions and demands of the digital age.

At my house we don't actually have a TV (gasp! could it be true?) but we do have the ever-present laptop and internet connection. I find that for me personally, disconnecting from the internet is far more difficult than turning off the TV ever was. When I do turn the laptop off I find I do more housework, spend more one-on-one time with my daughter and have more patience in general.

So, are you curious? What would happen if you unplugged and spent a night as a family without the distraction of digital screens and media players? Share your experiences with us in the discussions!

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

Sometimes what you need to be a good parent is not more time with your child, but time away to recharge your batteries as an adult. For single parents who carry the workload of parenting by themselves, time for adult fun is especially important, but hard to come by.

My single parent friends say that there is always the tiresome question of trying to determine when the best time to drop the "mommy bomb" is - when you've just met someone, or after you've gotten to know each other a little. If you want to avoid that problem altogether, the people at singleparentlovelife.com have set up a website devoted to single parents looking for romantic relationships. If you're a single parent, or a single without kids who is open to a relationship with someone who does, you're welcome to meet people here.

Posted by Michelle Carchrae

It never fails. Get on an airplane, in a crowded store or a quiet library and suddenly your parenting skills are on display the minute your child begins to make noise. Everyone else considers themselves parenting experts, whether they had children twenty years ago, two months ago, or no children at all. What should you do when faced with a public barrage of instruction, helpful suggestions and perhaps the odd disapproving stare?

In public parenting situations like these, remember that you know your child better than any stranger. You have watched your child grow and develop from the moment of their birth, and you know the quirks and oddities of their personality. You will know better than anyone else what your child needs, and if what they need is something you simply cannot provide at that moment, such as a quiet cuddle in a dark room, do your best to give them the closest thing to what they need with the resources you've got at the time. Maybe that means going to the washroom for a quiet moment, or finding an open space where they can stretch their legs with minimal disruption to others.

And what to do about the dad in the waiting room who is convinced your older child needs harsher discipline? Listen to the suggestion, evaluate its worth for yourself, and if you don't agree it is best for your child, politely say, "Thanks for your suggestion. We're just going to _____ right now and we'll see how that goes." Responding to unsolicited parenting advice in a confident, assured way reminds yourself of your own parenting expertise, and can help you to cope with the situation in the way you know is best for your child.