The Truth about Parenting
Things to Consider before Becoming Parents
Parenting is a tough job. Once a baby arrives, everything changes, sometimes for the worse. Sleepless nights, fatigue, baby’s incessant crying, smelly diapers and tantrum bouts are just some of the many parenting problems to cope with.
But that hasn’t stopped people from having children. As hard as it is, parenting is also a very rewarding job, especially when children are growing, developing and learning positively. However, before deciding to become parents, there are a few things to thoroughly consider first.
The Right Partner
Raising children should ideally be done with both willing and ready partners. If only one partner is prepared for the challenge, the couple will face a lot of problems. If both are ready for it, talk about your expectations, worries and fears as well as hopes and dreams.
Taking responsibility is another issue to tackle seriously before the baby arrives, say Steve and Shaaron Biddulph, parenting educators and co-authors of Love, Laughter and Parenting [London: Dorling Kindersley, 2000]. Each partner should choose and take responsibility for having and raising a child they will bring into this world.
“There’s an important point here – since your partner may die, or you may split up, you have to decide to have children knowing there is a possibility that you might end up raising them alone,” say Steve and Shaaron Biddulph.
The Right Time
Timing is crucial too. There are certain times when becoming pregnant would be a real crisis – for instance, if a partner is critically ill, has had a bad accident or just lost his job; the couple quarrels all the time; or a partner’s mother has just died, it’s best not to try for a baby for the time being.
The Right Place
Raising children is hard without a suitable home in a suitable neighborhood. It’s the parents’ duty to make sure children have the opportunity to grow up in healthy and safe environments. The house itself doesn’t have to be big, but should have ample space as well as furniture and household items that are child-friendly. Also, it’s best not to live in a too crowded house with too many extended family members.
Financial Security
If one or both partners are unemployed, the decision to become parents should be put on hold until there is real financial security. While many governments offer financial assistance for new parents, the sum given is never enough to cover all expenses. At least one partner should have a steady job when planning for a family.
The Mixed Feelings Exercise
Those having conflicting emotions about becoming parents can use the mixed feelings exercise suggested by Steve and Shaaron Biddulph. Here is how it works.
On days that you’re feeling broody, try engaging in activities as if you are already pregnant – browse in a baby shop, plan the nursery, think of names for the baby, read up pregnancy books, etc. On days that you don’t yearn for a baby, do something as if you are not going to become pregnant. Try charting a new career move, planning a long vacation, talking to a friend who has chosen to be childless or dressing up to go out in the evening. Continue this exercise for a few weeks. It will slowly become clear whether you have more days longing for a baby or vice versa.
Waiting for the right partner, right time and right place; having financial security; and being absolutely sure about getting pregnant can make a big difference between an easier life or a hard struggle for the whole family. Do think carefully and thoroughly before making the decision to become parents.
Those who find this article useful may also be interested to read articles on How to Reduce Parental Stress, How to Have a Good Relationship with Kids and Becoming an Involved Parent.
Parenting is a Tough yet Rewarding Job
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