College graduates are older and (hopefully) wiser than the green 18-year old college freshmen who naively think they are old enough to take on the world. And although many of the concepts of sending children out into the great big adult world are the same, there are some nuances of this scenario that require special parenting skills – specifically the art of "letting go."
Theresa, on the staff of CuteKids.com describes a common mistake among parents of adults as becoming "helicopter parents" – constantly hovering and rescuing their children after they have left home. As Theresa states, "Letting go isn't easy for parents, but it is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children."
Whether the child is sad to leave, or is excited and annoyingly unemotional about leaving family behind, there are a few things parents can do to ease the transition and make sure their children know they still have a solid support system at home.
Help Them Prepare for a Big Move
Any move is easier with help from friends and family. Parents can support their children most by offering their expertise with insurance, moving companies or U-Haul options, packing, yard sales, Craigs List sales, and so on. Not only does this help young people prepare well for a big move, it shows them that they have both the emotional and logistical support from those that matter most.
Celebrate Their Journey Rather Than Mourn Their Departure
Young adults may not want to show that they are sad to leave their family. They want to show that they are mature enough to venture out on their own, and may not want to admit that they are nervous or uncertain. Rest assured these emotions will catch up with them eventually. Parents should provide any opportunity to celebrate their new adventure – farewell parties, time with friends and younger siblings – and stay positive. There will be plenty of opportunity for hand-holding and dealing with homesickness after the move has happened.
Let Them Know They are Loved
In addition to helping them prepare for a move, parents should let their young adult children know that they will always have support and love, even if that looks and behaves differently from afar. Great ways to do this are to:
- Hide a $50 bill in the ashtray or glove compartment of their car before they leave but do not tell them about it until they need a "pick-me-up" later.
- Send a card or letter to their new residence so it arrives shortly after they get there (or is waiting for them when they arrive).
- Send "Welcome Home" flowers to their new place once they have moved in.
- Send them gift cards to local attractions in their new city or town.
- Start a habit of calling once a week on the same day to make it a tradition (even if the call isn't always answered).
- Stay in touch via Facebook or email.
"Letting go" is definitely difficult for parents at any time – whether its the first day of kindergarten, sending children to college, or watching them wing off into the sunset to their first adult job. Making the transition as easy for them as possible is just another parenting skill that helps them take that big step with as little emotional baggage as possible and the confidence to accept the challenges that lay ahead – knowing they have the love and support of those back home.
References
Ed-Genuity Consultants, "Saying Goodbye: Easing the Transition from High School to College" Capital Community News, May 2008
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