Review of Kids are Worth It! by Barbara Coloroso
Learn How to Teach, Guide and Inspire Children as a Backbone Parent
Jul 7, 2009
Parenting is often a delicate balance between taking the time to get involved with a child's problems, interests and perspective and getting on with the nuts and bolts of daily life. Barbara Coloroso's book, kids are worth it! [Harper Paperbacks, 2002] shows parents how to use daily life to teach and inspire children, rather than controlling them out of habit or in order to get through the day. By starting with the basic premise that kids are worth the effort of conscious, dedicated parenting because of their inherent worth as children and human beings, Coloroso shows how to parent with respect, flexibility and consistency.
Brick Wall, Jellyfish and Backbone Parenting
Coloroso spends the first part of her book describing the differences between the three major parenting styles: brick wall, jellyfish and backbone. Brick wall parents demand obedience, do not ask for a child's input in decision making or problem solving, and generally tell a child what to do and how to do it. Jellyfish parents, on the other hand, are either absent or overly permissive, failing to set or enforce meaningful limits for a child, and let the child make all kinds of decisions without any parental guidance.
Backbone parents work together with their children to provide structure and limits that are flexible and grow with the child, teaching the child from a young age how to make good decisions and involving him in problem solving and meaningful discipline.
Rewards, Punishment and Discipline
While many parents can accept that it is better to parent with a backbone instead of a brick wall, most cannot imagine parenting without using rewards and punishment. Rewards and punishment are the carrot and stick used by generations of parents to control the behavior of their children. However, Coloroso says that rewards and punishments serve only to control children and teach them to behave only for the purpose of gaining a reward or avoiding a punishment, rather than doing the right thing because it is the right thing to do.
Using Natural Consequences and Problem Solving Skills
Instead of using rewards and punishments, parents can aim to use a child's misbehavior as an opportunity to teach her about consequences and problem solving by using discipline techniques instead of simple punishment. kids are worth it! contains many examples and guidelines for parents who want to learn how to use meaningful and relevant discipline with their children instead of resorting to punishment.
Discipline for Teens and Toddlers
Coloroso claims that backbone parenting and discipline is best for children of all ages, from toddler to teen, and in principle this does seem to apply. One limitation of kids are worth it! is that most of the examples of dialogue and discipline are applicable to older children and teenagers instead of toddlers. Trying to use reason or talk about problem solving with a toddler is likely to be unproductive, so parents will need to get creative with Coloroso's guidelines and learn how to apply them with their own child, or turn to another resource, such as The Happiest Toddler on the Block.
kids are worth it! has the power to change one's approach to parenting in a fundamental way. By making the distinction between teaching and controlling, Coloroso empowers parents to discipline their children with love and respect, and she provides clear guidelines and strategies for parents who are learning how to move away from punishment and towards natural and relevant consequences. Learning a new way to parent takes dedication and effort, but as Colorso says, kids are worth it!
 |
