Depression and Motherhood

Author Tracy Thompson Discusses the Mental Illness Mothers Hide

Mar 24, 2009

Most people believe depression in new mothers lasts only a few months, the reality is it can cling to women for decades, and in the process, cling to their children.

In her book The Beast, [Diane Publishing,1995] former Washington Post reporter Tracy Thompson reveals her 1990 suicide attempt and psychiatric hospitalization following a decades-long battle with depression.

In her most recent book, The Ghost in the House: Motherhood, Raising Children, and Struggling With Depression [HarperCollins, 2006], Thompson once again brings readers inside the dark, often hidden world of depression, only this time as a mother. From her own story and a survey of nearly 400 mothers who suffer with depression, Tracy Thompson shared her thoughts during a March 2009 email interview:

Postpartum and Maternal Depression

Q. Unlike postpartum depression, "maternal depression" isn’t listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. What's your definition?

My own unscientific definition of maternal depression is that it's depression created by, exacerbated by, the stresses attendant on being a mother in our culture. It's also what can happen when a mother's depression reaches out to ensnare her child.

Maternal depression is my shorthand way of acknowledging that the bar for what constitutes a "good mother" has been going up imperceptibly for well over 100 years now. Victorian mothers suffered under high expectations for motherhood, too, but at least they were not expected to be "good mothers" AND wage earners AND household CEOs at the same time.

Depression, Mothers and the Media

Q. Do you think the media's depiction of mothers contributes to maternal depression?

Take a look at this month's cover of Working Mother (or any number of parenting magazines): the mother is radiant, fashionably dressed, perfect makeup, her arms around an equally beautiful little girl; the mom is a senior lawyer in a prestigious law firm and finds the whole thing pretty much a breeze. Well, that's just horses--t. Motherhood is a high-stress occupation whether you have a paid job or not, and if you are vulnerable to a mood disorder the level of difficulty just multiplies by 10.

Two reasons. One: we think we're using it, because lots of people consider it synonymous with "postpartum depression." The way I see it, postpartum depression is one type of maternal depression, but motherhood goes on a whole lot longer than the postpartum period. The other reason is the assumption I mentioned earlier, that motherhood equals bliss. Or that frankly stating it's not all bliss makes you a child abuser and/or a "bad mom."

Q. With your stories and those of Brooke Shields and Marie Osmond, this issue has received a lot more attention. Has society stopped vilifying mothers who suffer with depression or do we still envision Andrea Yates, who in the end, was diagnosed with the very rare, postpartum psychosis?

I think movie stars and public figures have done a lot to bring public attention and awareness to this issue, and I'm grateful; that's a useful and socially responsible way to use one's fame. The subject is always more complex than they make it sound, but that's okay; the main thing is that people understand that it's an illness and that it's treatable.

Idealization of Motherhood

Q. Do you feel mothers contribute to the idealization of motherhood? If so, how do you suggest they break the cycle?

Yes, I think we do contribute to it, though we are subjected to such subtle, pervasive pressure to do so that it's almost inevitable. An example: I belong to a listserve in which moms swap questions and hints, etc. The questioners tend to be new mothers, but they include some mothers of older children, too.

There's an "about me" section you're supposed to fill in when you submit your question, and almost without exception the women put something like: "Mom to two adorable tots, married to the love of my life" or "blissfully happy SAHM" or "single mom, working hard but loving every moment of motherhood," or something of the sort. I can't decide if it's comical or defensive or both, especially considering the fact that these women are writing for advice because they're having PROBLEMS.

I too am married to a man I love very much, and I cherish our two daughters, but I don't feel the need to sign every e-mail that way and proclaim it to the world at every opportunity, you know? Men don't feel the need to proclaim their love of fatherhood every time somebody brings up the subject; married people don't feel obliged to assert their undying passion everybody brings up marriage (far from it!), but somehow, when it comes to motherhood, there are a lot of women out there who feel they must assert how much they love, love, LOVE every minute of it. And I think the best way to break that cycle is to just stop doing that, and that starts with just being aware of what we do to ourselves when we perpetrate that. It's the psychic equivalent of trying to look like Barbie.

In Ghost in the House, Tracy Thompson takes her readers through the largely misunderstood world of maternal depression, an illness that left untreated, can have profound ramifications for mothers and their children. Through her own courageous story and others, Thompson offers insight, support, and hope for thousands of mothers struggling with depression during what should be their most satisfying years.

The copyright of the article Depression and Motherhood in Parenting Resources is owned by Laura Owens. Permission to republish Depression and Motherhood in print or online must be granted by the author in writing.