Communicating with children can be frustrating and often leaves parents wondering what went wrong. Many children do not open up and, as they get older and enter the teen years, communication gets even more challenging. Talking to children does not have to be a battle of wills. There are ways to communicate more effectively so yelling matches do not ensue.
Really Listening To Children
According to the American Psychological Association’s Help Center, (2007) listening and talking are the keys to a healthy relationship between parents and children. Setting aside time to talk is important, but listening when a child wants to talk is equally important. One key to better communication is not overreacting to what the child is saying. Getting upset or conveying a strong opinion as a reaction will quickly turn children away from communicating with parents.
Parents should empathize with their children and convey understanding. While it may be difficult not to judge or criticize, doing so will relay the wrong message and cause many children to shut down, thinking their parents just do not understand. Asking questions that convey understanding will often get children talking more about the subject.
Negotiating With a Child for Better Communication
Yelling at a child never has positive effects for either parents or children. When children are yelled at, they often feel frightened and confused, especially when they do not get a chance to speak their mind. Yelling at a child often will cause rebellion and ill feelings down the road. While parents often get so frustrated that they feel yelling is the only option, there are certainly more effective ways to communicate.
Negotiating with a child seems unrealistic to many for a parent/child relationship. However negotiating with a child can help him develop skills for later in life. Children can also feel a sense of empowerment and will feel heard. Not everything can be negotiated, but if parents offer as many opportunities for a child to have a say in an outcome, communication will be easier.
The article, The Art of Negotiating with Kids, on PBS.org, suggests that parents using age appropriate negotiating skills are creating a great learning experience. Negotiating does not mean giving in. After all, a parent is still in charge. However, giving a child a choice between two things or seeking her opinion on how to solve an issue when there is a disagreement, will encourage the child to make decisions and give her crucial skills for life.
When negotiation or compromise is just not an option, parents should still make sure they listen to the child’s thoughts and explain carefully why the decision was made. In situations like this, parents might suggest that they make the decision then, and the next day, the child will get to make an important decision. Teaching children to deal with conflict in a constructive and calm manner is very important.
Raising a Child who Communicates Well
The last thing any parents want is a child who will not communicate, hides things from them and rebels as a teenager or even younger. By keeping communication open and non judgmental, children will feel more able to talk to their parents about important issues. Parenting a big job and making sure communication is effective is a big step towards raising a great kid.
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