Realistic Expectations Help Adjust to New Baby
Higher Thinking and Proactive Approach Help New Parents Transition
Mar 17, 2009
Few events in life are more idealized than parenthood. The reality for new parents is often very different than what they envision which adds to their stress. People who have more complex expectations about the parenting transition, particularly women, may adjust better.
Complex Expectations About Parenting Helps New Mothers Adjust
In a study conducted by Pancer et al, (“Thinking Ahead: Complexity of Expectations and the Transition to Parenthood," Journal of Personality, 2000), researchers found that thinking about the self changes as people move through major life transitions and that doing more complex thinking helps counter some of the stresses that accompany these transitions.
While the results showed that both men and women exhibited more complex thinking after the baby was born than before, women’s mental processing was more intricate than men’s before and after the baby arrived. In addition, although women with more complex expectations demonstrated better adjustment after their babies were born than did women with simpler expectations, these results did not translate to men.
Parenthood Stressful Life Event
A report issued by Dohrenwend et al, "Exemplification of a Method for Scaling Life Events," (Journal of Health and Social Behavior, 1978.) indicates that becoming a parent is the sixth most stressful life event (out of 102).
The emotional impact on first time parents is substantial:
- Half of new parent couples experience moderate to severe declines in marital satisfaction (Belsky & Kelly, 1994).
- One-third to one-half of new parent couples experience as much marital distress as couples already in therapy for marital difficulties (Cowan & Cowan, 1995).
- One-third or more of both mothers and fathers experience significant depression as they become parents (Cowan & Cowan, 1995; Jordan, 2000).
Although becoming a new parent is one of the most common life events, with 1,000,000 first-born babies born annually to couples in the United States (Statistical Abstract of the United States 2000), most couples enter the transition with highly romanticized notions and little, if any, guidance on how to navigate the vast changes in the relationships and lives.
New Parenting Creates Marriage Stress
Researchers Philip and Carolyn Cowan, authors of When Partners Become Parents: The Big Life Change for Couples [Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, 1999] spent several decades studying how becoming a parent impacts a couple’s marriage. “We can conclude with some confidence," write the Cowans, "that the transition to parenthood constitutes a period of stressful and sometimes maladaptive change for a significant proportion of new parents,” (“Intervention to Ease The Transition to Parenthood: Why They Are Needed and What They Can Do,” Family Relations, vol. 44, October 1995).
In 1990, the Cowans conducted a conceptual analysis of the available research in family life transitions and found that key risk factors such as the quality of the relationship between the husband and wife before and after the baby arrived, made couples more resilient to the stresses of new parenting.
Program Improves Marital Relationship, Eases New Parent Transition
In response to their findings, the Cowans developed a Seattle-based intervention program for couples called the Becoming Partners Program (BPP). BPP offers a supportive, small group setting where spouses can learn from other couples going through the same adaptive challenges. With the guidance of a mental health professional, couples share their concerns about family issues and learn from one another during the transitional period.
Group sessions focus on four major areas: couples’ relationships, parent-child relationships, relationships with extended families, and the development of supportive networks. BPP guides couples through developing strong relationship skills, managing fatigue, stress, anger, creating a division of household labor, and infant care.
Couples who have more complex, detailed expectations about parenting, whether on their own or in a group intervention setting, are more likely to have a smoother transition once the baby arrives.
Additional Resources:
Belsky, J. (1985). "Exploring Individual Differences in Marital Change Across the Transition to Parenthood: The Role of Violated Expectations." Journal of Marriage and the Family 47:1037–1044.
Belsky, J., and Kelly, J. The Transition to Parenthood. New York: Delacorte Press. 1994.
Belsky, J.; Lang, M. E.; and Huston, T. L. (1986). "Sex Typing and Division of Labor as Determinants of Marital Change Across the Transition to Parenthood." Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 50:517–522.
Belsky, J.; Lang, M. E.; and Rovine, M. (1985). "Stability and Change in Marriage Across the Transition to Parenthood: A Second Study." Journal of Marriage and the Family 47:855–865.
Cowan, C. P.; Cowan, P. A.; Coie, L.; and Coie, J. D. "Becoming a Family: The Impact of a First Child's Birth on the Couple's Relationship." In The First Child and Family Formation, eds. W. B. Miller and L. F. Newman. Chapel Hill: Carolina Population Center, University of North Carolina.1978.
Cowan, C. P.; Cowan, P. A.; Heming, G.; Garrett, E.; Coysh, W. S.; Curtis-Boles, H.; and Boles A. J., III. (1985). "Transitions to Parenthood: His, Hers, and Theirs." Journal of Family Issues 6:451–482.
Cowan, P. A., and Cowan, C. P. "Changes in Marriage During the Transition to Parenthood: Must We Blame the Baby?" In The Transition to Parenthood: Current Theory and Research, ed. G. Y. Michaels and W. A. Goldberg. New York: Cambridge University Press. 1988.
Engel, Beverly. The Parenthood Decisions: Discovering Whether You are Ready and Willing To Become a Parent. New York: Doubleday. 1998.
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