Parents and children often live in separate worlds. It is not uncommon to hear a teenager complain that their parents “just don’t get them” or a parent exclaim, “They don’t even hear me when I speak!” These tips make building good parent and child communication and an open and honest relationship easier than you think.
Open Up
You can’t expect your child to desire an open and honest relationship with you if you are a wall of silence. Be willing to open up. Let your child know who you are and where you’ve been. Share experiences you’ve had and details of your day. Communicating with your child about yourself will help them open up, paving the way to understanding your child.
Be Honest
When communicating with your child, remember how perceptive they can be. Begin by understanding your child knows when they are being told half truths and when their questions are being avoided. Establish an open and honest policy in your house, beginning with yourself. Don’t be afraid to help your child learn from your mistakes. Telling your child not to do something that you did yourself does not make you a hypocrite, just someone who now understands the consequences. If your child does ask a question that you don’t feel comfortable answering, be honest about that too. They will respect you for drawing the line between parents and friends, and appreciate not being talked down to.
Ask Open-Ended Questions
Parents should ask questions. Show that you are interested in communicating with your child about every aspect of their life. Eliminate the opportunity for a yes or no answer by phrasing your questions in a way that encourages good parent and child communication. Never ask, “How was your day?” instead, be more specific with “What was the best thing about today?”
Close Your Mouth and Open Your Ears
This is possibly the hardest step in parent and child communication because it requires you to take a step back from your role as protector. When your child does confide in you, just listen. Don’t butt in and give advice, or tell them how to change it. Let them have the freedom to explore their own feelings by communicating. This is a great opportunity for you to learn about your child’s friends, situations they are dealing with and countless other things. Later you can draw on this information when you ask, “How did the situation with Joe and Alex turn out?” As your child realizes that you are listening and that you care, they will be more open to your opinions and advice. Sometimes it is hard to tell whether you are supposed to be an advisor or sounding board. Just ask.
Love, Laugh, and Encourage
When it comes to your relationship with your child, make sure you are more than just the judge and jury. Take time to laugh and play with them. Prove that you are understanding your child by praising their victories and sharing in their defeats. When they confide in you about mistakes they have made, let them know that mistakes are okay. Emphasize that actions do have consequences, but that it is not mistakes that define people, rather it is how they go forth from those mistakes. When they realize that your purpose in life is not to condemn them, but to help them grow, they will be more willing to let you in.
It is possible for parents to develop an open and honest relationship with their children. Whether your child is very young or an older teenager, the key is always great communication.
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