Choice of a Boy or Girl for New Parents
Gender Preference in New Baby Should be a Non Issue
Aug 13, 2009
Many may not have considered the financial aspects of raising children as important when it comes to the decision to have children.
More importantly, the thought of having a baby boy or a baby girl comes when the couple is planning to start a family. It could be a passing thought or curiosity. It could lead them to try a sex selection and determination process, or they may also decide to leave it to chance.
Whatever it is, people are now more aware of the potential options available to fulfill their desire to have the choice of their child's sex.
Needs and Aspirations of Parents
The motivational level of the husband and wife, and cultural and social norms each have a role to play in the decision to have children, and in some ways may influence their child preferences after marriage.
Perception of the couple:
- Having a child is expected and a natural progression in married life
- Couple has a genuine love for children
- Desire to have more children as financial resources permit
- Gaining acceptance from family, friends, peers and colleagues that they are "normal"
- Desire to carry on the family tree or lineage as applied, for example, in the Asian society
Differing priorities that may influence the decision and desire include:
- "We are still young, let's enjoy our honeymoon period first before having kids."
- "Let's establish our careers and save up before we start a family or have another child."
- Immediate, as "We married late and our peers' children are already teenagers."
- "Unplanned pregnancy, but we will go ahead and have our first child – boy or girl."
Perception of society:
- The family is accepted by society as a stable happy institution, with parents as good role models and siblings as companions
- Influence from married siblings and friends who share their joy of having and raising children
- Religious teachings that give meaning to the purpose of marriage
- Influence from the government, such as the provision of tax reliefs and incentives for childbirth and paid maternity leave
Generally, no matter the perceptions involved, married couples would eventually try for a child and start a family. Like most events in life, there would be exceptions to the rule as well.
Objective Evaluation of Desire to Have a Child
The perceived needs and aspirations are the first steps toward parenthood. Then it takes effort to conceive a child. It takes even more effort to nurture a child from toddler to adulthood. The physical, emotional and social development of the child requires positive parenting. This again involves effort, time and sacrifices from both the husband and wife.
Whether the child is a boy or a girl, the child is still the child who has inherited the couple's genes. To stay mentally healthy, couples with a child preference should objectively evaluate whether to continue to wish or try to have their "choiced child" against all odds, to redirect their energies by giving the best care to their existing children, or go for other meaningful pursuits. From the child's perspective, every child loves and wants to be loved by his or her parents.
While boys and girls are brought up differently, often due to inherent sex stereotyping, one important point for consideration is the values parents instill in the child and how they are instilled. The correct values, when passed on, will ensure that the child grows up to be a selfless, kind, smart and useful contributor to society. The reverse holds true if the wrong values are passed on.
Whether boys or girls, parents who passed on the right values to children will not only put them in good stead, but also experience intangible outcomes. Irrespective of the sex of the child, the outcomes may include:
- Children bring happiness and joy to the family.
- They get good grades in school and are loved and praised by their teachers and friends.
- They become good parents themselves; they are good husbands and wives.
- They become responsible people in society; they are financially independent.
- They care and look after their parents in some ways during their old age.
Thus preferences for the sex of the child should not be the main issue. Nor should the need to continue the family lineage among other justifications. Boy or girl, either sex can equally bring a couple happiness. It is how each couple looks at the situation objectively that matters most.
Read Parental Desire for a Boy or Girl to understand how a change in mindset can overcome the emotional aspects of preferences.
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