After the "modern man" came the "modern dad". Previous research has already shown that fathers are "now expected to be accessible and nurturing" but how do men themselves make sense of this expectation? This question is of growing interest to psychologists like Dr. Mark Finn and Dr. Karen Henwood of University of East London and Cardiff University respectively. Their research involved talking to thirty fathers-to-be over the course of a year.
Rejection of Detached Fathering
In creating their image of a "modern dad" the study found that the men began by looking back to their own childhoods and assessing how their own fathers behaved. They used this comparison as a way to define their differences. "He didn’t make any mistakes and show like soft sides and vulnerability," said one subject. "I would like to at least (be) really caring."
The intention to parent in a different, less detached, way seemed to be a common theme for the men. "I don’t think he feels able to be as close as he would like to be," said another. "I think he feels that there is a bit of sort of a barrier that he has got to be a certain sort of person. And I think it is a generations thing to be quite frank, because when I talk to other people of similar age they have a similar sort of perception."
Gender Rebels
In producing their self-image as a modern dad, the men described a blurring, and even reversal of, the conventional roles of "mother" and "father". "I am absolutely into it, and was right from the start," said one interviewee. "It is hilarious that I am more of a mum and she (his partner) is more of a dad. She tends to come home a little bit later but it is always me that takes Jeremy (son) for a nappy change."
Said another: "I think to some degree I would prefer to look at myself as a mother figure. They seem to be there all the time, involved all the time, and they’re best friends so to speak." In these two cases, the authors suggested that the men's identification as the mother figure was a personal rebellion against the negative aspects of their own father's traditional parenting.
Re-asserting Hegemonic Masculinity
The study raises the point that, by being unafraid to display emotion or try on traditionally female roles, the modern man may be simply depicting himself as super-masculine – master of all things and truly independent and assertive. Despite this, many of the men in the study were aware of the possible limitations of their imagined roles.
The "motherly" traits that the fathers seemed to want to adopt were, for some, considered unsustainable in the long run. Many of the men referred to difficulties arising from work, time constraints and not being able to breast-feed, in particular, as making it necessary for them to accept that their role must be different from that of the mother.
Traditional Father Identifications
While these modern dads express a disregard for the authoritarian and distant method of fathering initially, there co-existed a desire to perform the roles associated with fathers of the past generation. The responsibility of teaching "respect", "self-reliance" and "fairness" were all mentioned by the men, perhaps tapping into the most ancient of ideas - the father as symbol of the outside world.
Other specifically male characteristics in opposition to the "new man" idea were the increase in social status that fatherhood is perceived to bring. "It (fatherhood) has sort of raised my profile if you like," was one typical statement. "And I think people look at me differently." This boost in social status was tied in with the perceived progress to the fully adult category - thus following cultural rules of the most traditional sort where man is defined as a man only when he has settled, married, and become a father.
So it would seem that whilst wanting to rid themselves of that part of masculinity which leaves them sidelined and viewed as distant and unapproachable, the men remained eager to perform the "noble" father role that is so enmeshed within our society.
Sources:
Finn, M. & Henwood, K. (2008) Exploring masculinities within men’s identificatory imaginings of first-time fatherhood. British Journal of Social Psychology (In print).
O'Brien, M. & Shemlit, I. (2003) Working fathers: earning and caring. Manchester: EOC
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